Twinkie Tort

click to enlarge to craptacular size

"Sharing Twinkies with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly." -M.F.K. Fisher (1908-1992)

Sometimes the simplest and most down-home of desserts are the best. Of course, sometimes they're not- and that's where the creation of Twinkie Tort comes into play. It's so far removed from the traditional dessert that inspired it, that the author thought he'd better leave that extra "e" off the end. After all, what's an "e" amongst friends, especially when we're talking about a dessert made of Twinkies, chocolate chips and Cool Whip? Well, unless you're a stoner, of course- then you could smoke a fat one, eat a big plateful of this, and talk about that "e" for quite awhile, I'd bet.

Let me know what you end up doing, o.k.?*

Twinkie Tort

12 TWINKIES
6 ounces SEMI-SWEET CHOCOLATE CHIPS
2 tablespoons WATER
4 EGGS, separated
1 16 ounce tub COOL WHIP

Cut the Twinkies in thirds lengthwise. Melt chips with water, gently over low heat to prevent scorching. Stir egg yolks into chocolate chips one at a time, until smooth. Beat egg whites until stiff. Gently fold chocolate mixture into whites. Fold whipped cream into mixture until blended. In 13 x 9 inch pan, alternate layers of Twinkies and mixture. Chill until firm.

N.B. Imitation chocolate chips are waxy and DO NOT blend smoothly. Adjust chocolate flavour by using more or less whipped cream.

Reprinted from the Al Kaly Shrine Cookbook, Pueblo, Colorado.

*To everyone who might be thinking at this point that this is my "joke" post for April Fools' Day, I'm hurt...I'm really hurt. I'm also totally grossed out (I had to make this crap after all!) and hoping you're having a good laugh...Happy April Fools'!

Comments

[Stephanie]

Ugh...I'm getting sick just looking at it! Arteries...hardening. Stomach...turning...

[Dr. Biggles]

YOU FORGOT THE BACON !!!

[Brigitte]

No bacon, but Moira did forget the 1 lb box of confectioner's sugar. I shouldn't chide though, one of the dishes that surfaced at Supper Club this week (see my blog) was the Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding ... has 1 lb of confectioners sugar, 24 Krispy Kreme donuts, fruit cocktail (undrained!), a can of sweetened condensed milk, butter, etc. etc. Talk about artery-clogging!

[Nic]

When I saw the title, Twinkie Tort, I assumed that someone had been injured by a Twinkie (Sorry, legal thing). Of course, I guess you could claim a sugar-induced coma as an injury.
It actually doesn't look too bad in the photo, though! =)

[Giao]

Oh, thank goodness. Because I didn't know if I could think of you in the same glowing light ever again!

;)

[Journey Girl]

Umm... yuck? :)

On the upside, if your kids ever come to you someday and say, "Mommy, what do you think would happen if I mixed twinkies, chocolate, and cool whip together? Wouldn't that be yummy?" you'll have a real answer. ;o

Thanks for the laugh... I have only one question. What'd you do with it???

~S

[Moira]

Hi Stephanie...you forgot "teeth...falling...out"!

Hi Dr. Biggles...mmmmm...bacon!

Hi Brigitte...Good God! What the? That sounds NASTY, even worse than this brain number. I'll go check out your post once I get to N.C....I can't wait to read all about it!

Hi Nic...good one! I used to work at a D.A.'s office; nothing like legal humour!

Hi Giao...phew...that was close. I definitely don't want to lose that glowing light! ;-)

Hey Journey Girl...well, the thing is- it WAS in a cookbook, so obviously somebody (probably lots of somebodies) thinks it's pretty good. Especially when it's in a Shriner's fundraising cookbook that's written by people's grandparents, you know? I thought it was nasty, but then I'm not a fan of Twinkies since 2nd grade. I had BEGGED my mother to buy one and let me take it in my lunchbox for a class trip, and then I threw it up all over the back window of the bus. Funny enough, I never had a taste for them after that. I think that could only be a good thing, don't you?

I actually ended up giving it to a British family across the street. They have two boys in their late teens that love all junk food, especially American style. The parents weren't familiar with Twinkies, but the oldest son said, "Dad, remember the cop in that movie 'Die Hard'? He ate like a dozen Twinkies in a row!". Ah, kids.

[Bakerina]

Oh, Moira...my side hurts now. I was reading the recipe to Lloyd, and we were laughing, "it's like tirami su! Only really, really horrible!"

Actually, this reads like a wonderful book filled with frightening recipes called "Cooking for Your Evil Twin." There are a few savory recipes, and a quite nice recipe for chicken soup, but for the most part the dishes fall into the scary category. My favorite is the one where a Bon Bon (a brand of ice cream snack, basically a little ball of ice cream covered in chocolate) is pushed into a Hostess cupcake and left to melt a bit. The name of this dish is "White Trash Pots de Creme." I won't eat it, but I'll love the idea of it. :)

[folkie]

So I guess I'm the only one who looked at this and thought "yum. I am going to test this out. and my friends/family will love me for it." Yup. And I'm headed straight to Amazon for that "cooking for your evil twin" book. Yeah, I know where I stand in the foodie world - somewhere on the polar extremes.

[Dawn]

Oh, thank-you-god! I totally believed you & was thinking that maybe you had lost your mind or culinary sense!

The Food Network once featured a place where the speciality of the house was deep fried twinkies. I watched that show in horror. People were lined up outside waiting for those little death treats!

[ejm]

Wonderful wonderful wonderful!! I actually believed that there really was an Al Kaly Shrine cookbook! And I was trying not to imagine what other - eerrmmmmm - delights *cough* there were inside the pages.

Thanks, Moira! The separated eggs is the perfect touch.

-Elizabeth

[ejm]

There are sort of similar recipes in the "White Trash Cooking" by Ernest Matthew Mickler. But there isn't anything so elaborate as separated eggs, whipped whites and folding in the recipes in that book. My absolute favourite recipe (this is not a hoax) is the one for

.................................
: CLARA JANE'S UNFORGETTABLE PEACH PIE CRUST
:
: Forget it. No one left alive can make a pie crust
: like this, so you might as well go buy one
:................................................

No wait!! I'm wrong. As I was leafing through the book to find the pie crust, I see that there ARE several desserts that call for separated eggs including "Charlotte's Mother's Charlotte" and "Water Lily Pie"

-Elizabeth

[Jessica "Su Good Eats"]

Hmm, it's kind of like an American tiramisu. It looks good, except I don't like Twinkies as much as I used to. The preservatives and artificial flavorings get to me. :-) I'm sure it would be good with homemade twinkies and whipped cream, which would defeat the convenience of the recipe.

[Andrea Winchester]

Oh my God that is the best April Foodie Fool's joke EVER!!!

You really had me going for a minute there. I thought...."What....?!?" as I read the ingredients.

Ironically I had just posted a notice related to the Frankenfoods problem on my own (new, amatuer) food blog.

Thanks Moira! I love your site. --Andrea

[Reid]

Hi Moira,

Great idea. By the time this comment appears on your blog, you should already be in the states right? Have fun on your vacation!

[Sweetnicks]

Moira -- I know this should come as no great surprise, but the aforementioned Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding is a Paula Deen recipe. :)

[rowena]

a stoner, smoke a fat one, and eat a big plateful of this...
Stop it! Skeletons are are scrambling out of the closet here! Sorry I'm a little belated on the April Fool's wishes...was too busy scheming jokes of my own. hehe

[Julie]

I'm right there with you, rowena...this would have tasted really good in high school on a day when we were cutting because someone's house was empty for a "party". Otherwise it reminds me of the recipes of the truly frightening Sandra Lee (is that it? I always confuse her with Sondra Dee, I think). Anyway, you know the one I mean -- the "semi-homemade" lady. I think this one qualifies. Bet if you sent it to her, she'd make it on TV and dedicate it to you...

[foodie]

ah.... I bet you would find your dessert gone in a second, in a crowd of second-graders! (I remember doing all sorts of 'creative' things like mixing coca-cola with apple juice.) And um, are there really such things as 'imitation chocolate chips', or was that just to stretch the believability a bit more? ;)

[Jeanne]

Twinkie tort - as in a crime against culinary sensibility!! Hilarious. All that's missing is some jello, Miracle Whip and Velveeta cheese - then it would be a main course!

[wendy]

I have made this twinkie torte for many years and it is actually really good. Why dont you try it before you cut it down. I have made it for parties and everyone who has tried it liked it. And didnt your mom ever tell you try it you might like it. And if you dont like it then oh well dont eat it.

[mrsmogul]

YUM YUM YUM!!! I wanna eat that cake! Great looking blog! Came here by michele site

[Nick]

I think it looks rather tasty - Twinkies, Chocolate and Whipped Cream - Sounds good.

[Moira]

Hey everyone...wow, I never realized my post would get this kind of reaction! For the record:

1. Twinkie Tort IS a real recipe from a real cookbook.
2. Amazingly, it is not the most unappetizing recipe listed (to me anyway). That award goes to the appropriately named "Mystery Salad", which includes raspberry Jello, stewed tomatoes and Tabasco in the ingredient list.
3. The footnote about the imitation chocolate chips was really part of the recipe.
3. In my opinion (just mine), it did NOT taste good. In any way.
4. M.F.K. Fisher was not actually ever quoted on Twinkies. My apologies to her estate.

I'm glad everyone (well, most everyone- hee, hee) enjoyed my April Fools' post. Cheers all!